Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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