life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
