I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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