guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
