New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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