Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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