I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
