I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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