My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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