So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
