So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
