the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
