We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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