dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
