I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The ass gains better be worth it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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