you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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