the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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