I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
