I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
