Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize