I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
