A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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