come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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