Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
