Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
