So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
