I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize