do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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