about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
