I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
