This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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