I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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