her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
