i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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