Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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