I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
there is glitter all over my balls
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
