I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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