all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i came on her dog
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
