I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
