hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
