It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
