I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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