How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
