I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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