she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i think my cat just said my name.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
