oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize