census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
