You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
