So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
