well I can't set my house on fire every night
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
