thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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