Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
