Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
