Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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