Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
