whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
