Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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