You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
