i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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