1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Green mimosas i think yes
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
