the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
