I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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