Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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