Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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