You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
