I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Randomize
