all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So. Much. Porn.
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