Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
