yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
