I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
