you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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