last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I smell like Dick and happiness
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
