it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
