Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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