so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
