I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
