True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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