Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
