I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
