Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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