Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
