i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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