Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
