I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's rum buckets o'clock
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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