Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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