a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
