Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize