Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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