Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
