He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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