You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i came on her dog
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
