The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
