Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
