I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
