Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
